Everyone connects to a place in their own unique way. My hometown is a popular spot both for those born and raised here and those who weren’t, and most seem to agree it’s special. For me it’s the familiarity; as a child I walked the same paths, visited the same shops, and knew where all my favorite foods could be found. I had almost no friends my own age but I felt secure with the community I belonged to. I had a routine, even if my life overall was not very stable.

The summer that I was 10 and visiting relatives, my parents moved us out to a new house in a new city. I had no idea it was happening until it was done; I found out through my grandfather because my parents didn’t want to tell me directly. We moved twice more, always further and further away. I spent my teenage years full of anger and feeling trapped without understanding why. As soon as I graduated high school I moved back to where I was born and created my own home and community of friends. But after a few years I felt burnt out and moved again, this time of my own volition, to Amsterdam. I spent a year there for school, and when I returned it wasn’t to my hometown again but to a nearby town. I spent a long time there, again building a space for myself. Until finally I knew somehow that I needed to go back, for the third time.

In my life so far I have orbited my hometown like a comet around a planet, returning every 8 years to peek in and experience it anew. I leave and try to make my home somewhere else but I can never stay away for very long before I feel that pull again. There are so many places I want to live because I can’t imagine settling down permanently just yet, but I can’t help suspecting that I will always return here. I come back to see what’s changed and what’s stayed the same. No matter the differences I always spot my home there, just under the surface, winking at me, welcoming me back. Living here is hard and expensive, and unkind to those without privilege, and yet it’s still my home. I wink back because I know that will never change.