Tuesday, 2/20/18

11:19p.m.

Journal Entry #327

Unknowingly, my childhood was a treasure box left in the dust. Full of value with what my heart desired. Creativity.

My two last years of college and two first ‘real life’ years post college jumbled into dark confusion. Who was I? Why did I suddenly feel insignificant? What was my purpose? And in this contemplation of my place, I would have never thought that finding answers to my future involved re-picturing my past.

When little, I didn’t realize my interests and feelings had purpose leading to passion. Why did I create ‘The Camile Show’ with my sister and neighborhood friends? Why did I write my own songs? Why did I have collections of my own poetry and short stories? Why did I sing and dance whenever a lens made eye contact with me?

Because it was innate. It’s what my soul wanted. It was who I was.

Unintentionally, I was creator. A creative. And I still am.

So when I moved to New York City, a small part of me knew that I needed to rediscover the creativity I deserted for four years. And in feeling lost, I needed to realize what I lost myself.

With skyscraping lights as my guide, the city enveloped me with creators galore: artists, writers, producers and more. I was inspired again!

Pages of personal thoughts metamorphosed into bonafide journals. Lines of recorded verses stringed into complete tunes. Leotards met the dance floor once again. And the camera remembered me…

I was back.

I didn’t only feel it. I saw it.

My writings became published. My produced work hit the press. My acting and broadcasting made the screen. My dancing fueled on video. And I’m only getting better. Doing what I love alone makes me better…proud…actually happy.

It was my decision to fight for passion and against fear, even though I wasn’t sure what that passion looked like. In other words, I followed my intuition, my gut. And it all rooted back to the basics – childhood.

It was a journey to my past, then back to my future. And reliving my creativity not only required mental practices, but physical and spiritual as well. I owe much of my motivation and clarity to the solo road trip I took along the coast of California, the solo excursions I booked to France and England, and the lone nature escapes I continually squeeze in.

It’s about creating and evolving.

Keep honing your heart, Camile. And trust in the life you’re creating for yourself.

XO,

Camile