Conor Hanney, CA

Critically Acclaimed Writer

Born in New York, raised in Florida, and schooled in Indiana, Conor is human potpourri. Before studying Finance and Writing at Notre Dame, he was a baby model, altar boy, gerbil breeder, wrestler, lifeguard, and shrimp-eating champion… in that order. The second of six siblings, Conor has three moms who live within five miles of each other. He wrote for Disney’s Gamer’s Guide, was a Creative Executive at DreamWorks, and has worked with the special needs community for over a decade. He currently writes musicals in Los Angeles, California.

As a Story Terrace writer, Conor interviews customers and turns their life stories into books. Get to know him better by reading his autobiographical anecdote below.

Not-So-Easy Bake

When I was four, I carpooled to school every day with Kelly Gibson and her mom.Christmas was approaching, and they asked me what I wanted from Santa. And I told them: a pink Easy-Bake Oven. Fresh cookies and cakes, whenever your little tummy desired, who wouldn’t want that? Gender norms, that’s who.

They laughed me out of the van, and when I got home, I went right to my Christmas List to scratch out anything with the words “easy,” “bake,” or “oven.” Grace Hardin got an Easy-Bake Oven. No one made fun of her. And my new baseball glove produced exactly zero tasty treats.

In 2002, the Queasy Bake Cookerator came out, featuring such “super gross” toppings as mud, worms, and gravel, in a boy-friendly lime green. But it was too late. The bad taste had yet to leave my mouth.

My favorite color has always been yellow. The color of happiness, bees, and lasers. But in 1993, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers premiered on network TV, starring a female ranger, Trini… who wore all yellow. And the color was forever tainted. Laura Engelhardt got to be the Yellow Ranger for Halloween. No one made fun of her. And I couldn’t fight any crime in my Bruce Springsteen costume.

In 2003, Power Ranger Ninja Storm came out, featuring a cool teen named Dustin as the Yellow Wind Ranger. But it was too late. The colors of my schema had been painted, and the paint had long since dried.

For my 16th birthday, my mom got me an original, pink Easy-Bake Oven. But I was allowed to use real ovens by then, so I returned it to Target to buy ties. One was yellow. One was pink. And the cashier didn’t bat an eye.

People don’t come around eventually, the world does. Just hang in there long enough for it to catch up to you. And avoid Kelly Gibson and her mom. They’re bullies.

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